In this third installment of The KHS Counselor’s Corner, the focus is the third pillar of The Flivver Way: We are Positive.
The timing of this installment is not a coincidence. We chose to discuss positivity during a time of year that is often…challenging. It seems that everywhere we look this time of year, we see images of “perfection.” Families in matching pajamas surrounding a perfectly decorated Christmas tree, Instagram and TikTok lists of perfectly curated Christmas lists, commercials with friends and neighbors celebrating the season together with smiles and laughter - these images surround us, but they may not be the reality for many of us. While these images may provide comfort to some, to others they are reminders that very little about the holiday season is, in fact, jolly.
For many of us, this time of year brings feelings of stress, anxiety, and disconnection rather than comfort, safety, and belonging. The shortened daylight hours, overcast skies, and cold temperatures can darken our moods, and the constant barrage of bell-ringing and joyfulness depicted in the media might cause us to question why our lives look different from the holiday movies and Instagram posts. In short, the holiday season is not always a season for positivity.
Even though the challenge to think positively seems an impossible, inconceivable, or insurmountable one, remaining focused on WHY it is important to do so can be the necessary push to at least try. Positive thinking is linked to overall improved health. Working towards developing a more positive mindset improves your life in several ways:
The timing of this installment is not a coincidence. We chose to discuss positivity during a time of year that is often…challenging. It seems that everywhere we look this time of year, we see images of “perfection.” Families in matching pajamas surrounding a perfectly decorated Christmas tree, Instagram and TikTok lists of perfectly curated Christmas lists, commercials with friends and neighbors celebrating the season together with smiles and laughter - these images surround us, but they may not be the reality for many of us. While these images may provide comfort to some, to others they are reminders that very little about the holiday season is, in fact, jolly.
For many of us, this time of year brings feelings of stress, anxiety, and disconnection rather than comfort, safety, and belonging. The shortened daylight hours, overcast skies, and cold temperatures can darken our moods, and the constant barrage of bell-ringing and joyfulness depicted in the media might cause us to question why our lives look different from the holiday movies and Instagram posts. In short, the holiday season is not always a season for positivity.
Even though the challenge to think positively seems an impossible, inconceivable, or insurmountable one, remaining focused on WHY it is important to do so can be the necessary push to at least try. Positive thinking is linked to overall improved health. Working towards developing a more positive mindset improves your life in several ways:
- Increased life span
- Lower rates of depression
- Lower levels of distress and pain
- Greater resistance to illnesses
- Better psychological and physical well-being
- Better cardiovascular health and reduced risk of death from cardiovascular disease and stroke
- Reduced risk of death from cancer
- Reduced risk of death from respiratory conditions
- Reduced risk of death from infections
- Better coping skills during hardships and times of stress – (Mayo Clinic)
- Filtering. You magnify the negative aspects of a situation and filter out all the positive ones. For example, you had a great day at school. You completed your tasks ahead of time and were complimented by a teacher for doing a thorough job. That evening, you focus only on your plan to do even more homework tasks and forget about the compliments you received.
- Personalizing. When something bad occurs, you automatically blame yourself. For example, you hear that an evening out with friends is canceled, and you assume that the change in plans is because no one wants to be around you.
- Catastrophizing. You automatically anticipate the worst without facts that the worse will happen. The drive-through coffee shop gets your order wrong, and then you think that the rest of your day will be a disaster.
- Blaming. You try to say someone else is responsible for what happened to you instead of yourself. You avoid being responsible for your thoughts and feelings.
- Saying you "should" do something. You think of all the things you think you should do and blame yourself for not doing them.
- Magnifying. You make a big deal out of minor problems.
- Perfectionism. Keeping impossible standards and trying to be more perfect sets yourself up for failure.
- Polarizing. You see things only as either good or bad. There is no middle ground. (-Mayo Clinic)
- Identify areas to change. If you want to become more optimistic and engage in more positive thinking, first identify areas of your life that you usually think negatively about, whether it's school, setting your alarm for your morning routine, life changes, or a relationship. You can start small by focusing on one area to approach in a more positive way. Think of a positive thought to manage your stress instead of a negative one.
- Check yourself. Periodically during the day, stop and evaluate what you're thinking. If you find that your thoughts are mainly negative, try to find a way to put a positive spin on them.
- Be open to humor. Give yourself permission to smile or laugh, especially during difficult times. Seek humor in everyday happenings. When you can laugh at life, you feel less stressed.
- Follow a healthy lifestyle. Aim to exercise for about 30 minutes on most days of the week. You can also break it up into 5- or 10-minute chunks of time during the day. Exercise can positively affect mood and reduce stress. Follow a healthy diet to fuel your mind and body. Get enough sleep. And learn techniques to manage stress.
- Surround yourself with positive people. Make sure those in your life are positive, supportive people you can depend on to give helpful advice and feedback. Negative people may increase your stress level and make you doubt your ability to manage stress in healthy ways.
- Practice positive self-talk. Start by following one simple rule: Don't say anything to yourself that you wouldn't say to anyone else. Be gentle and encouraging with yourself. If a negative thought enters your mind, evaluate it rationally and respond with affirmations of what is good about you. Think about things you're thankful for in your life. (-Mayo Clinic)